


My Love

by joyfulsongbird



Category: Hadestown - Mitchell
Genre: And Not Canon Compliant, Canon Compliant, F/M, orphydice, orphydice kid, pregnant!eurydice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-07
Updated: 2019-12-07
Packaged: 2021-02-25 05:54:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21711055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/joyfulsongbird/pseuds/joyfulsongbird
Summary: Based off a prompt on tumblrEurydice has to stay in Hadestown after Orpheus turns around, but soon finds out that it isn't just her own self that is doomed to this life. and Eurydice wishes that their future child didn't have to live the life that she is living. but Hades has a kinder soul than she believes.
Relationships: Eurydice & Hades (Hadestown), Eurydice & Hermes (Hadestown), Eurydice/Orpheus (Hadestown), Hades/Persephone (Hadestown)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 83





	My Love

work, work work

constant, pulling, weight on her shoulders, never ending

gods, she’s tired

so tired

she’s never been this tired before

will it ever end?

la la la la la la la

two voices, so many souls. her mouth is closed and she’s screaming, echoing, crying.

and then the bell, the signal that this is not never ending. that work doesn’t last to the end of time, that Hadestown has some mercy for it’s workers. for the people who cry at the foot of the wall every day, except now they are tearing it down. and they cry, they cry, they cry for all of the blood and sweat that went into building and now their tears sink into the mortar, slowly tearing down what they dedicated their life to. what they believed would save them from poverty. and now mister Hades, every morning, reminds them that the wall must come down. that someday, they will see the sunshine again. he doesn’t speak in that hopeful tone, of course not, but Eurydice hears it.

she hears it and hopes. she hears that he is reaching for them with this withered outstretched hand that hasn’t known mercy for so long, and she’s taking it. and saying “this is what it’s like to be merciful”.

look me in the eyes and see what it is to forgive.

for she knows forgiveness like the back of her hand. she knows forgiveness like the deepness of his eyes. knows forgiveness like that the pit of hunger in her stomach. she knows forgiveness. he does not. she can teach him, she can teach him. teach them. It’s only been about two or three months since Persephone went back for spring, it could be longer than that, could be shorter. what is time in Hadestown? there is only the toll and the wall and the crumbling of what they lived for.

she drops her hands to her sides, still coated in grime, her body aching to stretch her hands towards the sky (well, what they call the sky, it isn’t that, it is red and dark and unforgiving). it’s under her fingernails, it’s in her hair, it’s on her cheeks. she is a full fledged creature, with mud on her body like camouflage. she is a machine, work, move, clean, again. what is cleanliness if you are just going to get dirty again tomorrow?

and what is germs in Hadestown? there is no sickness here. that’s what they were promised. a warm place of wealth and no pain. they don’t get sick, they don’t get cold, they don’t go hungry. that’s what was promised to them. but she can’t feel anymore. yes, now she can remember his face, remember his voice, but now… now she feels nothing when she sees his face.

it’s definitely worse.

it’s like she’s looking at the face of a boy she saw in passing on the street. she knows that she loved him, that she still loves him. but there is nothing in her memories that twinges her feelings back into what they were. she sees everything through her own gaze, she knows that at some point she felt these emotions that were so extreme that she cried real tears, that she laughed with this joyousness that filled the entire room. she remembers how he looked at her. with reverence. with love. how he smiled every time she entered a room, and she smiled too. she knows that she smiled too, she remembers that.

she goes through her routines, goes to her shared apartment flat with two other women. they never really speak, they don’t even make eye contact most of time. Eurydice just taps her foot against the floor, waiting for her turn in the shower. directly across the wall, one of her roommates, Afra, stands there. doing the same thing; waiting, listening, all impatiently. Eurydice doesn’t know her well, doesn’t know how she got here but she assumes they all came for the same reasons. security. safety. or maybe, just to get away. Eurydice is sure that if she’d known about Hadestown when she was a younger girl, living in a home with people she loathed, with people who loathed her, she would’ve flown off to hadestown long ago.

Eurydice gets the shower next, stepping into the already steamy small room with the tub and rusty shower head against the wall. the mirror is fogged up and Eurydice leaves it that way, there’s no need to see herself this way. there’s no need to see herself at all. what’s the point down here? who needs mirrors in hell?

shedding her outer layers, she steps right into the shower, watching as the water below fills with dirt and grime, turning it a muted gray color, she stands there until the water turns clear again. she scrubs aimlessly at her skin with the soap bar for a minute or two, trying to feel clean but the dirt stays no matter what she does. it’s under her nails. it’s in her hair. it’s under her skin. she’ll never be rid of it. she’ll never get rid of-

she doubles over in the shower, the dizziness catching her off guard.

“woah, okay.” she murmurs to herself, reaching to clutch the slippery edge of the tub, steadying herself. it passes after a brief ten seconds but she steps out of the shower after that, turning off the water for fear of falling and hitting her head. she knows, objectively, that she can’t really be hurt here in Hadestown but old habits die hard.

dressing slowly and carefully, she addresses the main problem here is that both her head and her stomach are killing her.

well actually the largest looming problem here is: you don’t get sick in Hadestown.

Oh gods, does she have to be the anomaly here?

she’d like to just be normal, just blend into the crowd, but no, she has to be different. she has to stick out like a sore thumb in every place.

before she even knows what’s going on, she’s thrown up what little she’d eaten that day. it makes her feel a little better but sweat makes her forehead sticky, her whole body feels shaky and not quite right.

“Eurydice?” Afra’s voice is unsure of itself, they don’t often use their voices down here. “everything okay in there?”

“yes.” Eurydice calls back. “I’m fine.”

Is she?

she feels something for the first time in awhile: fear.

***

it was all very simple, she should’ve added it up the first time she threw up, so long ago. but it isn’t until she looks in a long mirror for the first time, wearing only her underclothes that she notices something.

no.

gods, no.

she doesn’t make an appointment with Hades, like he says you’re supposed to when you need to speak with him. this is too important, this is too much of his own fault that she has to speak him right then. she wants to cry, she needs to cry but she can’t. so she runs, so she runs as fast as she can until she’s at the doorsteps of the dark building where she knows he resides almost all of the hours of the day.

the door is unlocked, surprisingly, and she just walks in. down dark halls, ignoring the shadows that paint fear across her body. that’s the one thing she can feel nowadays, fear for herself, fear for Orpheus, fear for everything, for their unborn child. no child has been born in Hadestown to her knowledge, a desolate place like this cannot sustain a new life like that. it sucks life away, it tears families apart.

it’s relatively easy to find his office, it’s the only room that’s doorknob isn’t coated with dust and the door is slightly ajar, letting stark light stream into the dark hall.

she bursts inside before she even has time for a second thought.

he’s at his desk, pen in hand, paper in the other. his eyes raise to hers the moment he notices her presence.

“miss Eurydice-”

“cut the bullshit, Hades, why am I still here?”

“I-” she holds up her hand, cutting him off somehow. such an impressive, looming presence usually, but when a women on a mission is in front of him, he never knows what to do. she starts pacing back and forth, in front of his desk. clenching and unclenching her fists. should she punch him? no, no, nothing like that. she didn’t come here for violence… why did she come here? what was her mission when she set out to come here? she doesn’t know, she just knew that she had to get here.

“I thought I’d just be able to live my life in peace. In complete solidarity. That’s what you promised me. you told me I’d get- you said I’d be good here.”

“and didn’t I deliver?” he said, his rumbling voice carrying through the office. across the desk that was separating them. “aren’t you at peace?

she felt something lodged in her throat, she tries to swallow it but the effort makes her voice come out choked. “not anymore.”

suddenly, she feels everywhere. suddenly, she’s so full of feeling her knees nearly crumple to the ground. leaning against the desk. she still doesn’t cry. no, there’s almost too much feeling for that. her whole body is overwhelmed, for so long she felt nothing that this sudden feeling is almost causing her to double over in the pain. it’s fiercely coursing through her veins, her shaking knees could be from the fear or the feeling, she can’t tell.

Hades is up and holding onto one of her arms, his touch surprisingly gentle and uninvasive. he keeps her steady, while guiding her to come sit on a couch on the side of the wall.

“sit here.” he says, his voice shockingly calm and… kind. “I’ll get a glass of water.”

he busies himself with a pitcher of water that sits on his desk, and an empty glass beside it. Eurydice fiddles with the rings on her fingers, trying to sort her mind out, trying to figure out how to say it.

he’s pouring a glass of water. for her.

“I’m pregnant.”

he stops pouring.

he doesn’t turn around either. “your boy…”

“It’s Orpheus’, I’m positive.”

“how long?”

“I only just realized today. I didn’t know who to tell, Lady Persephone is gone and I just don’t know what I’m going to do.”

he’s being surprisingly calm, for a man with no children and no real relationship with Eurydice besides one layered with negative emotions.

“you don’t work for the time being.” he says after a moment of consideration. he turns around, holding a glass of water in one of his hands to face Eurydice’s gaping face. “I need to speak with my wife, but that can’t happen for another few months. So you don’t work and keep busy within what’s left of the walls.”

“what am I supposed to do? for those four months?” she has no idea when she’ll be due, the uncertainty of it is making her feel shaky. the fear strikes her again and she turns her to the side, not making eye contact with Hades again for fear of crumpling in on herself again. she purses her lips.

“I can tell you’re scared,” he begins.

“I’m not-” she starts.

“you younglings always try to convince everyone else that you aren’t terrified,” he thrusts the glass of water into her hand, giving her a pointed look.

“like you’re one to talk.”

he sighs. “only you could sass me when I’m trying to help you.” embarrassment faintly paints Eurydice’s cheeks a blush color, but it fades quickly. “let me continue.

“I can tell you’re scared,” he repeats. “but I’ll promise to protect you and your child, I may be a lot of terrible things but one thing I will never do is force a mother and her child apart. you’ll go back to your apartment and get some rest, tell your roommates that you don’t need to get up for work tomorrow, by special permission of Hades, and I’ll try to get in contact with my wife. But I have a feeling we won’t be able to have a full discussion until she gets back from summertime.”

Eurydice nods and takes a couple sips from that glass of water, her hand shakes so much, she knows that if there was ice in the glass they’d be able to hear the clinking of the two solids. but for now, she tries to act like she isn’t slowly crashing and burning.

Orpheus

Orpheus, you have a child

and he doesn’t know it. he may never know it.

“my child will be doomed to this life, won’t they?” she whispers, eyes downcast. “if-if I give them to Persephone before spring, will they be able to go Up Top? would it be possible?”

he sighs, the sound is burdened. “I don’t know. A child has never been born here before, so I don’t know.”

she stares at the surface of the water, rippling with little currents and waves from her trembling hand. “they will never know grass, or happiness, or love-”

“no.” Hades says firmly, he steps closer, he brushes her knuckles with his fingertips, unsure of what to do as a comfort. but his words are comfort enough. “your child will know love, you will love them and that is love enough.”

she purses her lips tight together, she still does not cry, she still has yet to cross that threshold of pure feeling.

“go home, get some sleep.” it’s a command, almost, like everything Hades says is. she could always refuse but instead of standing up to him like she usually prefers to, she nods, because she could use some sleep in times like now.

***

Eurydice had forgotten love until Calista.

she knew love well before Hadestown but in that span of few months, she forgot what it was like to love. to love something with this fierceness you can’t control, and to have that ability feels powerful. she felt like a monster before, but holding a child close to her chest is what makes her feel human again.

yes, they are still in Hadestown, but when life finds ways to spring up, it flourishes.

she’s moved apartments since finding out about the baby, to a smaller one, a studio with a bathroom and a tiny kitchen but it’s just for her and her daughter. people know that the only current mother in Hadestown lives there, her neighbors seem to brighten at the sight of her child. their darkness when they come back from work slides away for just a little bit of light when Callie smiles at them from afar.

her daughter brings hope, and Eurydice couldn’t be more proud. she doesn’t even know it yet, but Callie is really the carnation in the winter, she’s the light in the dark, the song in the silence.

And Persephone comes back and is immediately pointed in the direction of Eurydice’s apartment by Hades, with barely even a kiss on the cheek, she’s worried something bad has happened. It’s a combination of good and bad in her opinion.

she knocks on the door and a voice calls, “come in!”

Persephone, not knowing what she’ll find, steps inside tentatively. “Hades said to- oh my lords.”

Eurydice sits cross legged on her small bed, a baby sitting in her lap with the widest smile she’s ever seen on a child. she has her mothers eyes, even from here Persephone can see the dark color, the deepness of them.

“hi.” Eurydice begins. Persephone closes the door loudly, accidentally making Eurydice and the baby jump. she surges forward, first taking the young woman’s face in her hands, cupping her cheeks and brushing her cheeks with her thumbs.

“please tell me it’s Orpheus’.” Eurydice nods.

“It is” she assures, “look, she has his nose and you can just see, his hair, too.”

“she’s lovely.” Persephone sighs, sinking to sit beside Eurydice. Persephone brushes Eurydice’s bangs away from her eyes, she notices that they are freshly cut and a little jagged and uneven. she’ll ask about that later. “how old is she?”

“A month.” Eurydice answers immediately, her smile is genuine and Persephone can tell, there is love. a deep, motherly love that Persephone has only ever experienced when she looks at the young girl who turned into a young woman while she was away Up Top. “she came a little early, and I was worried, but she’s doing well now.”

“what’s her name?”

“Calista.” Eurydice says, gently tracing her daughter’s ears and tiny nose. “I started calling her Callie, though, and never stopped.”

“Callie.” Persephone repeats. “I love that.”

“me too.” Eurydice bites her bottom lip, before the real dawning of Persephone being here hits her. her expression barely changes and her tone of voice doesn’t at all but Persephone can feel the shift in the air.

“how is Orpheus doing?”

Persephone continues stroking through her black hair, untangling the knots like she imagines a mother would. “he just started singing again. only the past month or so. his voice sounds different after so long with so little use but it’s just as beautiful as it was when you knew him.”

Eurydice lifts Callie a little higher, adjusts her in her arms so that the child lies with her head in the crook of her elbow. “I’m sad that she’ll never get to meet him.”

she says it simply, she’s already accepted the fact, but underneath that is the lingering of sadness that lies there. an undercurrent of disappointment that Persephone came alone. she’d probably had the tiniest grain of hope and Persephone came empty handed.

“well!” she stands up, straightening out the creases in her dress. “I’d better get to the house, it’s been awhile since I’ve seen my husband up close.”

Eurydice smiles. “alright. see you again really soon?”

“of course.” Persephone plants a kiss on both girl’s heads and heads out the door, blinking away the sharp burn of tears.

***

she walks into Hades’ office and before she can even get the words out, he waves his hand at her without looking up from his ever important paperwork.

“I’m sending her up, don’t worry.”

she opens and closes her mouth. “I thought it might take some convincing.”

he scowls down at his desk. “I’m not heartless. I saw her when she first found out, the selflessness in that girl…” he shakes his head. “she was concerned about not being able to love her kid enough. not being able to provide that for her. she wanted to send Cal up there with you in the spring without her? you know that? the insanity in her, that I’d separate a mother and her child.”

Persephone steps around her and plants a firm, smiling kiss on his lips. Surprising him and pulling him away from his paperwork. “I love you.”

a smile twitches at his lips. “I love you too?”

“so,” Persephone says, promptly taking a small step back. “Eurydice and Callie will come up on the train with me in the spring?”

“as soon as I get all the paperwork in order. this is a… unique situation to say the least.” he turns back to his work, Persephone stands and watches for a moment, before planting one more soft kiss to the top of his head and heading out to get a drink. she can’t tell Eurydice yet, because if it doesn’t come true she’ll be heartbroken but knowing that she’ll be able to take the two of them up with her in the spring will be a joyous moment.

only six months until the couple that became a family gets reunited.

***

Children grow fast, this is something that Eurydice was never told. by the time Callie is seven months old, Eurydice has watched her learn to crawl, learn to reach and to touch and to smile. it still scares her sometimes, that maybe she isn’t meant for this? maybe she’s not cut out for this kind of thing. she’s already had to reason with herself over several things that just dig into her scalp, telling her Callie deserves a better mother. she had to bottle feed her, for god’s sakes, her body seems to be malnourished enough and overworked enough that she can’t give that to her daughter. she has to take care of herself too, is what Persephone keeps telling her. she has to give herself a little attention too, give herself some love as well.

she faces Hades one last time in front of the train, he says he’s there to see Persephone off but Eurydice is glad that he’s there.

“thank you,” she says, lifting her chin to look him right in the eyes. “for all that you did for me and Callie, and for you are doing for Orpheus. he doesn’t know it yet, but he will be very thankful to you.”

“don’t say things like that,” he says, voice extra gravelly with the sadness of his wife leaving, but he tries to hide it. “I would never have hired you if I’d known…”

“neither of us knew, I would never have agreed to go if I’d known.”

a small silence stretches between them, she doesn’t know what to do with herself, a year ago she despised this man. everything about him made her heart shudder in her chest, but now… she’s seen his mercy and can’t help but feel that it was there all along.

she holds out her hand to shake his. “thank you, I will make sure to let Calista know as she grows older all that you have done for us.”

he lets out a chuckle as he takes her hand. “I’m sure she will also know all I have done against you.”

“in my opinion, it evens out. thank you.” she drops his hand and climbs onto the train, her stomach starting to swirl in her stomach.

She tries to remind herself of all that she’s been told by Persephone, love herself and that has to be enough, as she climbs the train, she’d handed Calista over to Persephone while Eurydice puts her things on the train. her heart beats so fast, this rhythm of readiness, of anticipation.

thump, thump, thump

Get Callie, she’s getting fussy in another woman’s arms.

thump, thump, thump

Sit down in a seat before the train starts moving.

thump, thump, thump

“if it isn’t my favorite songbird.” a withered voice comes from the front of the train car.

“Hermes.” Eurydice breaths, she speeds her steps up to meet him halfway and throws her arms around his neck. she buries her face in the man’s shoulder, letting him gently hold her like a father would hold a daughter, gently, calmly. he pulls back after barely five seconds.

“you takin’ the train?” she nods with something like tears stinging in the back of her eyes but they aren’t close to falling, yet. Hermes’ smile stretches almost all the way to his eyes, wrinkles creasing on his forehead. “he’ll be waiting for Seph, right by the station.’

Eurydice smiles but her heartbeat is still flurrying over her entire chest, heat spreading across her whole body like a licking fire. she needs a distraction from her shaking hands and churning stomach. Hermes pats her cheek affectionately, finally looking over her shoulder and squinting at Persephone holding the infant in her arms. he narrows his eyes, like he’s seeing a mirage and isn’t sure exactly what he’s seeing.

Eurydice breaks away from him, going to Persephone to take her daughter from the other woman’s arms. “this is your kind of granddaughter, Calista.”

“a lovely name for a lovely girl.” Hermes smiles in that way he always does when he knows something, when he looks at someone and can see their future. Eurydice always feels exposed whenever Hermes looks at her, like he knows what goes on in her head every day. like he knows all of her fears and hopes and emotions. the train starts moving in that moment and Eurydice has to sit down, holding Callie in her lap, pulling her tightly against her chest.

they move through tunnels, the dim lights of the mines flash through the windows every once in awhile, flushing the four of them in a golden glow, turning Persephone’s green dress into a brownish color, splashing across Hermes face briefly and throwing shadows like the darkness of the wall falling over her. she hasn’t worked on the wall in months, hasn’t gone into the mines in about as long, but it still haunts her. to forget how to feel, though since Orpheus came and left, the place improved it still left her feeling like there a life she was missing out on, the other half of her. or maybe it just was that her other half was Up Top. Callie taught her to remember feeling, taught to feel again altogether. and when she begins to whimper in the dark of the train, her heart stutters and all she wants is to make her smile again.

“shhh,” Eurydice murmurs, bounding the little girl on her knee briefly. “it’s alright, love, shh.”

even just her voice soothes the child and she quiets, she is normally not the most emotional infant, though they all cry, Eurydice knows that from her younger siblings. she takes after her mother in that, she only gets emotional really when Eurydice gets emotional. so now, when Eurydice is nervous and fidgety and on edge, the girl picks up on it and begins to cry. she calms herself, taking deep breath and pressing a kiss to her daughters soft bed of dark brown hair.

it’s a longer train ride than Eurydice would think, so they sit in silence, contemplative over what is to come, over what is going to happen when those doors open and sunshine floods the train car. when Orpheus is right before her what will she say? what will she do? he doesn’t even know she’s coming, he’ll be happy to see her, won’t he? yes, yes, he will. she knows this, she knows he loved her, and hopes for that present tense to re-enter the assuredness of her vocabulary. she loves him, simple as that, and he will love what she brings with her.

as light starts to flood the car, she closes her eyes, feeling the warmth flood through her body. the familiar scent of the dirt and the trees, the sound of chattering voices and birds beginning to chirp, everything so familiar yet so foreign. the last time she was this anxious to step outside was during The Walk and she never stepped foot outdoors during that. she’s both ready and most definitely not.

“here,” Persephone says. “I’ll take Cal, and you can step out by yourself. take a look about, greet old friends without this little one in your arms.”

reluctantly, Eurydice relinquishes Callie into Persephone’s arms. she stands, ready to face her fate, ready to smell the earth, bask in the sunlight. she is here, she is full of light, she is ready.

she’s ready.

the train car opens by itself and she steps out, shading her eyes with her hand to gaze over the crowd, which a hush falls over. she is known here, though she looks different. though having been pregnant and gave birth, she’s lost weight. the doctors she saw worried for Callie’s health, when Eurydice has spent her whole life only getting just enough to eat and too often in Hadestown she neglected to eat, after the pregnancy especially, it seemed. she just simply… forgot to take care of herself sometimes. those were the days where she got talks from Persephone, lectures from Hades, both about taking care of herself not just for herself, for Calista. she tried her best, but old habits die hard. she looks more tired now, her hair now just brushing the very tops of her shoulders but the bangs freshly cut. every few months, or when she was feeling especially restless, she would go to the bathroom with a pair of scissors and retrim her bangs. what a great influence she’ll be on her kid.

and in the crowd, in the very back of the crowd, is a boy just a little bit older and more tired looking. and his eyes are raised to hers. his mouth is forming the first syllable of her name, with a question in his eyes. is this real? are you real?

and she wants to run to him and say yes yes yes yes im real this is real this is true

but she can’t move until Hermes walks up beside her, loops his arm through hers and begins to walk her down the steps of the station. the crowd parts for them and Eurydice can’t help but see the imagery of it all. like a bride walking down the aisle, she is being given away for the second time in her life. the first, she gave away herself, in secret. not an elopement but a ritual in which they were “married”. this time, she is given away to this life that she once gave up. here, she is being given permission to step back into this life, she is being given permission to look him in the eyes, to speak to him. he gives her away and leaves her there at the altar- or rather, right in front of Orpheus- and leaves her there, blending back into the crowd.

“how- how… what are you- how are you-?” he runs a hand through his hair, just looking at her, just… looking. “Eurydice-”

when he says her name, her entire body feels like it will combust and she can’t just stay standing there. it feels like their first kiss: happening before she knows what’s happening and over before she wants it to. whistles break out through the crowd, a laughter spreading through the silence. the tension breaks and she’s left just feeling his hands at her waist, and his face close to hers, his breath against her cheeks, fluttering her eyelashes against the breeze.

“how-?” he asks again.

she licks her lips, unsure of how to say it. “I’ll show you.”

Persephone is already walking towards them, holding Callie to her chest. Orpheus, the ever confused, just stares. the two dots not yet connected yet, so he must say the first thing that comes to mind.

“congratulat-”

Persephone shakes her head and laughs. “no, poet.” and hands Callie to Eurydice.

he watches with wide eyes as Eurydice holds the child in one arm and with the other, adjusts Orpheus’ arms so that she can gently place the girl in his arms. she holds both his arms and the baby for a moment before removing her hands and stepping back. his eyes flick from Eurydice, down to the infant, and then back to Eurydice in a panicked state.

“her name is Calista, she’s seven months old… and she’s your daughter.”

Orpheus lets out a huge, deep, shuddering sigh that feels somehow close to tears. he finally looks down and admires the face of the girl in his arms, and as he does, Eurydice tells him about her.

“she has your nose, and your hair, but my eyes. she’s not very talkative but she likes to be read to before going to sleep, and she always, always prefers to sleep close to me, or close to a person. she’s like you, she loves to listen. and she loves people-”

she stops herself at the sight of his face, smiling but filled with this sorrowful inside. “I can’t believe- I missed a whole life starting… Eurydice, she’s so beautiful.”

“not your fault, Orpheus, neither of us knew.” she murmurs. “and now, we’re here.”

“you’re home.”


End file.
